I have always considered myself to be one with a modern and progressive outlook. I’ve always tried my best to be socially responsible, whether it be not wasting water, not littering on the roads, working for causes or spreading awareness.
I even had decided early on in my life that I will adopt a kid. My parents didn’t quite like the idea and thought it’s one of those short lived passions that come n go and soon I’ll be over the phase. Even I did not press upon the issue till the time I was still living with my parents.
And then, one day I got married to this man, my husband, my partner who is an absolutely amazing human being. I spoke to him about my desire to adopt a child and to my absolute amazement, he was not just ready but also equally excited about the idea. We decided that we’ll have one DNA kid (I’m deliberately not terming it as OUR kid) and one adopted kid. This way we will satisfy our families as well, who are very old fashioned and do not understand our reasons for adoption and also we’ll be able to justify our responsibility towards the society.
I used to think that I am one with a progressive outlook until one day I met a whole new species of parents. Through one of my Twin mother group I got in contact with this wonderful person who had just given birth to her twins. She also has an elder daughter. From all the conversations that I had with her, it was very apparent that her elder daughter is her little princess and her attention or affection towards her daughter did not reduce or divide even a tad bit after her twins were born. Respect for such a mother, right??
So Yes, even I felt a lot of respect for this lady till one fine day she told me one more fact about her. Her elder daughter, she told me is her “Heart Child” as she has not given birth to her. And this is not one of those cases where they couldn’t have a child and that’s why went ahead with an adoption and then had kids. NO. I discovered that she wanted to adopt a baby ever since she herself was as young as 12 and luckily found a life partner who supported her in this. My respect for this lady went 100 folds up after knowing this.
This made me think. Why is Adoption considered to be such a taboo topic in our society? A lot of couples would prefer to live a childless life rather than adopt. I’ve also heard a lot of people say “Wo khud ka khoon thodi hota hai” (It’s not your DNA) I want to ask such people, how does it even matter? A child when born doesn’t even know what blood or DNA is, does he? It’s just a sperm and an egg, right? And yet he selflessly loves anyone who shows affection towards him, a parent, a grandparent, a nanny or even a stranger.
The emotional attachment and bond between a child and a parent does not depend on who gave birth to the child. Today a lot of single people or newly married couples also go ahead to adopt. It would only make someone’s life better and give them the education and opportunities we all as humans deserve. And anyways looking at India’s population, I think every family should adopt one child.
Adoption in India is not only difficult legally, but also emotionally due to this stigma attached to it. No matter how modern we think we are, if we know someone is adopted or someone we know has adopted, out outlook and sometimes ever behaviour towards them changes. Some people get extra cautious, some sympathise while some are full of advises.
We as Indian parent community are continuously trying to normalise a lot of things which are taboo topics – Breastfeeding, Formula feeding, Nursing in public, Puberty and Menstrual cycles…. I say it’s high time we normalise adoption in Indian society. “Heart parents” don’t need your advises or sympathy or weird looks and rolling eyes. All they want is for everyone to look at them and their child as a “Normal Family”.